it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.”
i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me.
When I taught swim lessons I remember trying to delicately ask parents not to cover their child in shea/coconut/olive oil before lessons.
“I understand your skincare regimen and wanting to protect their tender baby flesh from the pool chemicals, but COULD YOU NOT OIL YOUR CHILD LIKE A GREASED PIG before tossing them in the POOL? Thanks EVER so much!”
wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”
he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.
after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”
anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”
half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.
and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.
there’s such an unbelievable multitude of this type of (straight) woman who’s like “when he mentions a ‘she’ 😡🥺👀” “when he calls some girl his ‘friend’ 👀👀🔪” etc and this person is like a different species to me. this person is a space alien. this type of person makes me feel like amy adams in arrival
a man’s female friends are like a car’s warranty. a woman has vouched for this guy’s ability to be normal. you should be kissing her on the mouth for her service
not to be rude but some of y'all need to look on the bright side sometimes. like, yeah sure the world is fucked and people suck and we all die whatever, sure, but like. go outside.
ok i phrased this poorly, hang on.
i’m not saying the cure for depression is touching grass. however, if you surround yourself with sad things and talk about how terrible life is and how much you’re suffering and never take a breath and remember it’s not all bad, you’ll end up making yourself worse.
like, i’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression, and anxiety, and insomnia, and chronic pain, and a million other things that get in the way of me having a simple fucking good day, but you know what?
i watch videos that make me happy and wear pretty clothes and cut my hair in fun styles and do my makeup and drink strawberry tea and take two showers a day and i look on the bright side because goddamnit if god is trying to break me down, he’ll have to try harder.
i see so many people talk about how sad they are, who make their depression their first priority, and i get it, i really do, but you know that is actively harming your mental state, right? please, just do something nice for yourself, think positively for one day. i promise things get better when you step back and breathe.
